Give feedback? Receive feedback? Read this!

“A bright blue neon on a wall reads “Work harder”” by Jordan Whitfield on Unsplash

Let me start by saying, I used to hate / dread feedback. Now, I love and seek feedback in all spheres of my life. Don’t get me wrong, it still makes me uncomfortable but in the right way. I wish I (and all my managers) had known, how to give and receive feedback earlier in life. It literally would have been life changing.

Let’s start with the -

Definition: Feedback is the process in which the effect or output of an action is ‘returned’ (fed-back) to modify the next action. It is the critical part of *any* system and is responsible for sustaining it. No feedback, no sustainability — simple.

Same applies to human organizations/systems. For an organization to sustain, it needs to give feedback to itself i.e. people give feedback to people. At work, managers give feedback to reports and vice versa to sustain the team. At home spouses or family members give feedback to each other to sustain the family. Friends give feedback to each other to sustain the friendship. Customers give feedback to businesses to sustain the relationship.

So, let’s dig in to what makes a good feedback.

Attributes of an effective Feedback:

• Objective: It is based on actual observations / facts. It should not be subjective i.e. “I think, they think” or “I like/dislike”.
• Specific: It is specific about given scenario / action. It should not be generalized i.e. “you always”, “you never”.
• Actionable: Receiver of feedback should be able to do something about it. It should not be the same as beating a dead horse.
• Constructive: It is intended to improve the receiver. It should not be a mere complain. This is worth repeating, complain is not feedback.
• Relevant: Don’t wait for annual reviews to unload a truck load of bullet points. Give live feedback as close to the incident as possible so receiver can relate and iterate.
• Dialogue: Feedback is not a speech, it is a dialogue. Engage the person and have a conversation. Be curious and compassionate.

Format of the skill specific Feedback:

• SBI: Situation, Behavior, Impact.
• Good Example: (situation) When you were presenting to management last week, (behavior) you got defensive when asked the question on data, (impact) which resulted in the VP doubting our diligence and moving the project to next quarter.
• Bad Example: You did not present well and now we did not get the greenlight. You need to improve.
• Really Bad Example: You sucked. (trust me, I have gotten this too, so am speaking from experience).

Effect of the Feedback:

After receiving feedback, the receiver should be left feeling:

• Heard: Acknowledge the input (even though the outcome was not desired). Example: I know you put in lot of effort in creating the presentation.
• Valued: Tell them what they do right and what value they did add (if any) in the situation. Example: Your data analysis skills are really good and it was useful to have those numbers.
• Clear: This is where you use the above formula of SBI, to deliver very clear feedback.
• Inspired: Hold the bar high, meaning tell them you believe in their potential. And you know they can up their performance to meet their potential. Example: I know you can become very at great presentations if you work on your delivery and practice.
• Empowered: Ask them what can they do to improve. Give them some suggestions. Let them choose. In choice lies power, and when they choose, they feel empowered and will own the next steps. Example: What do you think will help in getting those kinks out of the presentation next time? I have some ideas but I would like to hear yours first.
• Supported: Tell them you are not leaving them high and dry. You will work with them and support them as they learn their way to the expected level of competency. Example: I will be happy to do rehearsals before we go to the VP next time. I can also pay for your training if you find one that you want to take.

Giving effective feedback is lot of work. And when done right, it can transform people and outcomes. So use it as a tool rather than as a stick. In other words, Feedback is a Gift! Make sure you give it in a manner where the other person can appreciate it.

PS: If you are on the receiving end of bad feedback, step up and educate your partner/ boss / friend and tell them how you would like to receive feedback. Point them to my blog :) or any other good one out there.

Feel free to give feedback on this post in the comments below!

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