From #ToMe to #MeToo: The heroine’s journey
I could as well have titled this post as “From victimhood to vulnerability” or “From helplessness to empowerment”.
Let’s start by looking at the two ends of this journey.
The “ToMe” place: Any of you who have done this journey are probably smiling at the familiarity of it. It’s the classic line of a self-victimizing person: “They are doing this TO ME”, “why is this happening TO ME”. This is the place where we are helpless, people are unfair and life is unfair. Everyone is specifically focused on screwing us over. This is a very lonely place, it’s the world against us.
Don’t get me wrong, there are people who are true victims of sexual abuse, physical abuse and just really poor circumstances. But there is difference in “being a victim” and “feeling like a victim”. I have met many victims and survivors of abuse who don’t live their lives feeling like a victim. They don’t live a helpless life, they live a very empowered life.
Why do we get here: It’s a memory problem. Did you just frown at the absurdity of the previous statement? Let me explain. We forget. Yes we forget, and lose touch with our strengths, creativity, power and choice. Since we have forgotten our powers and the fact we have a choice of how we show up, we just wait for someone with powers to come and rescue us.
How can we forget, you ask? Well if you don’t use something, it gets rusty and eventually forgotten. Its like a language. If you have not spoken in it for a lonnnnnngggg time, it will feel weird to speak again. You will even shy away or fumble a little. Eventually you will get refreshed, but there is a warm up period or relearning period, which will be uncomfortable. Similarly if we don’t use our strengths, creativity, virtues and choices we get rusty. And sometimes forget we even have them or ever had them.
The “MeToo” place: This is the place of vulnerability. If any of you have heard the popular TED talk by Brene Brown on “power of vulnerability” or followed her work, you know that vulnerability is not a weakness. It is an act of courage and strength. This is the place of “I know I am worthy” and whatever circumstances showed up that made our lives hard, or broke our hearts or shook our confidence temporarily, we know we can recover. So this is the place of acknowledging that maybe it is hard right now and maybe we need support. But none of those, take away from our inherent worth and strengths. This is also the place, where we are not alone. We remember suffering is the most common truth of human existence and it binds all of us together more deeply than we see or want to see.
How can we get here: I wish there was a simple step process I could share, but there isn’t. Everyone’s journey is different. Here are the rough ingredients though:
- Awareness: Become aware that you are feeling like a victim and just take a break from “solving” whatever you are trying to solve. Just hold the awareness like a very very slow motion video and just watch with curiosity instead of judgment.
- Support: Ask for lot of it and keep asking and giving. There is lot of value in giving support too, where you are reminded of the values you have as you serve other’s journeys. Read my previous blog on support. Reminders from people that we can do it and that it’s possible in general and more specifically its possible for us.
- Experiments: “Let experience trump thoughts” i.e. “act” and let your experience defy your fears and define your possibilities. Tiny tiny experiments where you show bias for action and then let the outcome of your experience re-calibrate your mental thought and belief models.
- Ability to sit in discomfort: All of the above will make your feel uncomfortable. So you have to have learn how to sit in discomfort. Remember, only way for it to become comfortable, is for you to sit with the discomfort first. It’s like doing yoga, when you practice poses as a beginner they hurt and are uncomfortable. You just hold the pose, and stay in the discomfort and then your body flexes and eventually (minutes or months) they become comfortable.
To all who are starting, midway or arrived, may the power of choice remain with you and may you be reminded of all your virtues moment to moment.
— — — — — — — — —
Thank you for reading.
If you like what you read, please support by following, clapping and sharing. Your support helps to spread the knowledge and keeps me going.
THANK YOU again for your support!
Follow me on Facebook or YouTube Channel or here on medium.
— — — — — — — — —
